‘I’m not sure what to say, except it’s Christmas and we’re all in misery’
Ellen Griswold – National Lampoons Christmas Vacation
A big hello to all my subscribers. I’m sure the both of you are overjoyed to see me back spouting shite. Last November I promised a Christmas special. I also promised to cut down my drinking on a match day and paint the front door. In short, here is the Christmas special. Four months late. In April. Enjoy.
2018 in Review
I will never have a better year of running than 2018. That’s either a great achievement or a depressing fact, dependent on how wank my last run has been. Personal records what I broke in 2018 were…drum roll…
- Most miles in a year – 1,142.7
- 5k PB – 24.00
- 10k PB – 50:55
- Half Marathon PB – 1:54:52
- Most Times Undercarriage Chaffed – 17
The Half Marathon one is especially worth being a two shits about. Ten bastard years I’ve spent trying to break 2 hours. I was always so close yet so far – the closest I’d ever got was a flying 2:03 at Blackpool in 2016, where I died a thousand deaths on the last 5k as I hit the Lower Prom and the mother fucker of all head winds. Two years later I returned, attacked the shite out of it, and finished 9 mins quicker. One day they’ll make a film about it. Daniel Craig will play me.
Like any Christmas special, you need a flashback/montage filler. With that it mind, click below to view my race reports from 2018. You’re welcome.
Red
Every January friends, acquaintances, people from work, randoms, all ask me the same question:
‘I’m going to start running in January, what advice have you got?’
My answer is always the same. Don’t start running in January. The weather is shite, it’s dark pretty much most of the day and you’ve had an obscene amount to eat and drink over Christmas. You will hate it and give up. I’m a runner (ahahahahahaha) and I really struggle to motivate myself in January due to all of the above. Which is where RED comes in.
I won’t go into the big speal about RED, but you can read all about it here https://redtogether.co.uk/ and importantly sign up in the process. Basically, every January you’re encouraged to Run Every Day in support of Mental Health. Whether that be your own, or to raise awareness or money for the cause. Very important, very worthwhile. You get some lovely red laces. You can also join the Facebook group for support although, to be honest, I found it to be full of people complaining that they didn’t want to run every day and it was too hard. So how supportive you’ll find that crowd, I’m not sure. The clue was in the friggin title to be fair. The point is though (as there is one) I did complete the challenge and ended up posting 115 miles.
2019
So, what does 2019 have in store? Well, not this years North Tyneside 10k thats for sure. Having had no problems in the past getting into this race pre-xmas, this year it was sold out well in advance. I could have kicked/flicked/death stared the cat. I am really annoyed/pissed off about not getting in to be honest. It’s my local race and I’ve been getting faster year on year. It’s also a race with a capacity for 2,200 that only 1,700 turn up for. I can’t get in, yet I guarantee 500 knackers won’t even bother getting their arses out for it. Piss take.
Instead, like Frodo’s dangerous journey into Mordor, I will be running the Sunderland City Half Marathon on the 12th of May. Usually I can’t run this. Newcastle are always at home on the last Sunday of the season with a wanky 12pm kick off making it logistically impossible. However, due to the mackems basically playing non-league football these days the fixtures have been kinder and it’s on. Review will follow, where I’ll be really kind. Honest. This year also sees me do Great North Run numero 9. Can I finally break 2 hours there? Can I shite, unless they remove at least 30,000 runners from the pens or put me at the front. Still, I do love that run…
Notbuilttorun.com 