Oh yes, the past can hurt. But you can either run from it, or learn from it.
Rafiki, The Lion King
Let’s start 2023 with a bit of controversy shall we? The vast majority of Disney films are shite. Except The Lion King. The Lion King is class. Not the weird soul sucking live action remake, the original.
It’s got everything. New Life, Treachery, Death, Banishment, Redemption, and ‘I Just Can’t Wait to be King’ is the GREATEST Disney song of all time. Don’t @ me.
But one of the major themes of the film is learning from the past. And, seamless link here, a running journey follows the same rules. We’ve all had running highs, we’ve all had running lows. The knack is to make sure you get more of the former than the latter.
I’m totally convinced that once you become a ‘runner’, whatever that means to you, your biggest battle after fitness and injury is your head. I’m talking motivation and self doubt. You know how to run, you can run, you just have to keep convincing yourself of both.
I love running. It keeps me physically and mentally fit, I’m convinced of it. My quality of life improved massively after I decided one day in the 00s to say ‘fuck it’, and go out for a plod along the sea front.
Some days though my running is shit. Some days I’m just not physically up to it (usually the day after consuming many beers strangely enough) and some days my head just doesn’t love the idea.
But I’ve learned from the past. I know these blips will happen, and I know how to cope. Not feeling up to it physically? Avoid a hill. Not feeling up to it mentally? Do a favorite route. Don’t run from it, learn from it.
So with all that motivational bollocks said, I give you (slightly later than planned) the 2023 Notbuilttorun Goals. Drum roll.
Update the notbuilttorun website – Well, I’m here aren’t I? I have at least 2 races pencilled in this year, if not a couple more. So UNLUCKY.
Run 1,000 miles – This year you’ll notice that I haven’t included Run Every Day in January. Since I’ve joined the local Running Club I’ve been doing far more intense sessions and I feared running every day would literally break me. I’m not a piece of meat Jane. As always though, I’m quietly confident that 1,000 miles is doable!
Get a PB – I always say my PB days are behind me, but this year I’m not so sure. Again, joining the Running Club has seen me pushing myself a bit more so maybe a PB ain’t so crazy after all. I’ll either get a PB or snap an Achilles.
Run a Half Marathon – The Great North Run is as always a staple of my year. As long as they sort out the start this year. Jesus, I couldn’t deal with that shit again. I might try and shoehorn another one in during the Spring.
Run longer than 13.1 miles – This year, I’m telling you. It will happen. 1000%.
Run a Race in a Club Vest – New to the Goals for 2023, now I’m part of the Cult..I mean Club..then I need to race in the Club Vest. It’s Red, which means it will match my face as I come over the finish line. All things going well, me and my new vest will be debuting at the North Tyneside 10k in April. Full Kit Wanker.
Run on Holiday – In May I’m off to Menorca and I’m packing the running shoes. A week of trying to burn/sweat off the alcohol and huge portions of shite I’ll be eating. Pass the bucket.
So there we are. The goals are set, battle lines drawn. All doable. Apart from that more than 13.1 miles malarkey, bet I have another shitter with that. The point is though, I won’t beat myself up if some or none of these are achieved. As long as I’m running and still enjoying it, then I’m winning.
But please, for the love of all that is holy Great North Run organisers, sort that fucking start out. You wouldn’t want to see me when I’m angry.
With any luck, it’s Christmas Eve, you’ve settled down with a nice cup of hot chocolate in front of a roaring open fire, and you’re thinking ‘what shit is this clown coming up with now.’ I’ll take it as a compliment, really.
The last two Christmas Specials have been pretty negative in tone – ie hasn’t the past year been an absolute shit show. This year though, we can be far more positive. I mean, apart from a War in Ukraine, an Energy Crisis, the Cost of Living, pretty much a General Strike, and a hugely incompetant Government, it’s been ok hasn’t it?
On a personal and running note, it’s been a mixed bag for me, as you’ll see from the list below. I’ve had my first injury free year since 2015, but was disappointed with the performances in both my Half Marathons. This prompted me to finally hit peak hypocrisy, by joining my local Running Club, which turned out to be one of the best things I’ve ever done. My fitness levels are up, my pace is quicker, and I’ve given myself that extra bit of motivation you always need during those hard Winter months of crap weather and short days.
I got a new job, which has eliminated my commute and given me more of a running window, which in turn has helped piss my family off less (runners know what I mean). It’s also given me more time to get back into Yoga which I have, big style. As well as doing one Virtual session a week, I also get in 3 or 4 shorter ones now. Namaste motherfuckers.
As always, at the start of the year I set myself some goals. So, drum roll please..
2022 GOALS (AND HOW THEY WENT)
Update the notbuilttorun website a lot more – 7 posts this year. That’s like 1 a month. Sort of. It’s one more than last year. I’ve also spread them out much better this year rather than front/back ending as I have done in the past. Look, I’mtrying my best ok, WHY ARE YOU JUDGING ME? I’ve also had more hits to the site since I launched it in the 2018 pre-fuckwit dystrophia world we now live in. I’m huge in Ecuador.
Run Every Day (RED) in January –Nailed it like a Messiah to the cross. It is getting harder though, as I get older and creakier. A quick look at my Strava in January (I need to look back to check, I can’t even remember what I had for tea yesterday) shows a lot of Treadmill runs and only two weekend long runs. Basically, it looks like the weather was a bastard and I mostly took cover indoors on the travelator blasting Eternal’s Greatest Hits. God I loved Louise.
Run 1,000 miles – I’m on a roll here. As I write this, I sit on 1,236 miles for the year. I’ll fall just shy of 1,300 by the time the year ends, but should hopefully pass my biggest ever total of 1,257. Although, the snow and ice might have a say in thatfinal total. Piss off Winter!
Get a PB – PBs? Aren’t they the kind of things new runners and young people get? As predicted, I haven’t had any milestone distance PBs. The days of getting faster 5k and 10ks are over. However, due to the quick sessions at the aforementioned Club training nights I have been getting a surge of Strava Segment PBs over the last 3 months. It’sbecause the swine’s make me run fast!
Run a Half Marathon –Now this one is complicated. I did achieve this – I ran two – but they were both piss poor. Firstlyin May I ran the Sunderland Half and wasn’t happy with it. My arse dropped out in the last couple of miles. I had a shitter. Fast forward to the Great North Run in September and the same story. Arse. Shitter. As I mentioned in the intro above, this was the catalyst for joining the Running Club. Stop being shit at Half Marathons. I need to fall back in love with it again in 2023.
Run longer than 13.1 miles – Every year I put this in, every year I fail to do anything about it. I don’t even have injury or time as an excuse this year. It will go on my 2023 Goals as well. Next year I have a feeling though. Just see.
300 miles on Zwift – Oh dear. I wrote a piece earlier in the year about how I’d fallen out with Zwift. The RunPod was forever dropping out, and no amount or battery change, calibration, or standing on my head was helping. I then turned my Treadmill room (don’t you all have one of those?) into an Office to work from home so there was no space for my makeshift-box-with-the-ipad-on that I was using to run Zwift. In October, I decided to give it another go, with the ‘genius’ idea of blutacking the iPad to the Treadmill. This worked a treat…until the 4th time when it came crashing off. Pondering my next move to be honest.
Run on Holiday – I sort of went on holiday, and I sort of didn’t. Not abroad anyway, but I did pop off to Shropshire to stay with my wife’s family. I go there every year and I run there every year. It’s Hell. I keep meaning to write a post about it. It’s like a Boot Camp, the place is just a collection of hills from which there is no escape. However, it doesn’t half do me the world of good.
Remain in Employment – I know I always say I’m staying away from politics but lets be honest, the UK is a bit of a shit show at the minute isn’t it? Therefore I continue to prayer and worship all Deities, Gods, and Cults that I remain able to pay the bills and provide for the family. In 2022 I not only managed to remain in Employment, I also allowed myself to be poached like a footballer to go and signed for a bigger rival. So far, so good. In fact, it’s going too well. It’s a trap.
Avoid catching/passing on COVID – When we think COVID visited Casa Notbuilttorun way back in 2020 (before Tests), everyone was ill except me. I felt fine. Apart from one thing – for a week I had painful chilblains on my toes. I’ve never suffered from chilblains. In November I got a little cold, and then for a couple of weeks after I got really painful chilblains on my fingers. So this was probably a fail.
So, a year of change but the most normal year we’ve had since 2019. Scary isn’t it. Who knows what 2023 has in store for us. The way things are going, Nuclear War and the Hunger Games. Christ, this is cheerful.
As always, I wish you all a stress-free Christmas and New Year and hope your running year has been positive and enjoyable – whatever your pace, distance, or goals.
Summer is over. No, it is, I’ve just looked out the window. It’s deader than Kevin Spacey’s career. We’re into the last part of the year and what I always call the ‘difficult’ running months. The Great North Run has been and gone (read about how shit the start was here!), the weather is on the turn and the days are shorter. Bet this is cheering you up.
But enough about what’s to come, let’s look back at what happened July to September. Well, July was hot. Not the usual hot that everyone is fine in, but me as a pasty northerner born with the howling North Sea wind on my face struggles in – it was proper hot. We hit 37C on the North East coast. My pathetic bitching and excuses about running in the heat was, for once, fully justified.
On the day it hit it’s hottest, I decided to head out for a run really early. 6am in fact. I ran down to the sea front and it was like a Bank Holiday Monday. 6am. Everyone had the same idea. Runners, dog walkers, families on the beach. It was already about 22C by 6:30am and everyone was out in it before the worst of the day. Between this and running down the middle of empty dual carriageways during lockdown, the last couple of years have been nuts.
I did a lot of early morning running over this past Summer. With my job now being completely remote and the commute no longer an issue, I had time to. It was great, probably one of the best summers of running I’ve ever had. By 8am I’ve usually done 5k, I’m awake, and ready for my day. I also had time to get back into Yoga, something which benefits me both in running recovery and also my head if I’m being honest. Anyway, this post is in danger of turning into serious running advice or something and we can’t have that. Here, look at this picture of my slightly rude looking office cactus to help re-lower the tone.
‘It’s cold ok?’
In August I did my usual visit to my wife’s family in Shropshire. I do have a post pending about this, which I will get round to finishing. Probably. I always take my running gear and very much have a love/hate relationship with the place. It’s hilly. The kind of hills Kate Bush was talking about when she wrote ‘Running Up That Hill’ as a metaphor for ‘something that is really fucking hard.’
The positive of all that hill running is that when I come back to the flat as a fart coast I feel like an Ultra Runner. Slight inclines that would kill me in July are flown up and V flicked for the whole week after. It does only last a week though. If only I could bottle it, I would. I always feel fanfuckingtastic.
Hills. Thousands of them.
Then came the Great North Run. If you’ve read the review (here! here! read it here!) you’ll know that the start was a clusterfuck and my run was the drizzling shits. See, I’ve saved you 10 minutes. My biggest issue every year though is the post-GNR comedown. How do I get back my running mojo. How do I get over the post run blues when I’ve got nothing tangible to run for?
So I’ve joined a Cult. I say Cult, I mean Running Club. Same thing. Well, I’m on a trial run (hahaha!). Yes, what a fucking hypocrite. I’ve spent many a blog sticking in the knife about running clubs based on nothing but sheer ignorance, generalisations, and stubbornness. It’s the British way.
It’s early days but, unfortunately, I have to report that the first weeks have been…and I shudder when I say this…excellent. Urgh. I will save the full details for the Christmas Special (eeeeeh Christmas!) but I’m finding it…and this one’s a huge shudder..enjoyable and beneficial. God I feel dirty.
So, as things stand, the plan for the final 3 months is to keep both my mojo and the mileage going. Unless something dramatic happens, and the last time I wrote that in a blog we had a global pandemic 4 weeks later, I should hit 1,000 miles for the year by mid October. If I can finish on 1,200, I’ll be absolutely delighted Gary.
God, this review was going to be far more simpler. The Great North Run is back to it’s proper course, I trained for and completed it, we all had shits and giggles along the way. Then things got a bit complicated. Anyway, let’s make a start and see how we get on shall we.
This is Great North Run number 11 for me. I’ve run everyone since 2011. I did it ‘virtually’ in 2020 when it was cancelled, but didn’t sign up for it officially as the amount GNR wanted to charge you for a medal and t-shirt would have left my family hungry and homeless. I’ve written about the whys and hows of running this event in previous blogs, so feel free to go back and look them up. Really, I could do with the clicks.
When the GNR returned in 2021, it was so shit scared of being cancelled or accused of COVID super spreading that it changed the whole start, finish, and route. And you know what, it was excellent. The start was the most chilled and easiest experience I’d ever had at the GNR and I applauded them for it in my review. We’ll talk about the 2022 shit show version of this start a bit later.
Training for this GNR had gone quite well. I’m now working fully remote in my job (side note, remember that twat who wrote in his blog that working remotely was shit and he would never do it full time? Whoops) so sticking to a training plan and routine going into this GNR has been a piece of piss. I was also, for the first time in yonks, injury free. Even my grumbling Achilles has given it a rest.
My biggest pain in the arse this year is probably the same as everyone else; the bastard heat. I live on the North East coast and even we’ve had 30 odd degrees spells, so god help you all down south (which is pretty much everyone to me). I don’t do the heat or humidity. It is my Kryptonite. It is the Tommy Lee to my Pamela Anderson. I’m absolutely shit in it.
I run a half 4 weeks before the real thing and come home in 1:54:19. Honestly, give me the medal now, I’m flying. Then, during the week leading up to the run, something strange happens. The left side of my face starts to hurt and then swells up. Interesting. Being a man, I take the appropriate action – I ignore it and just hammer Ibuprofen all week. It’s not the worst thing to happen that week though.
The elephant in the room. On the Thursday the Queen dies. Now, let’s all be honest with each other. I’m not a royalist. The Queen seemed like a lovely lady and it’s very sad when anyone dies, but I’ve never been a fan of the idea of the royal family and the privilege that comes with it. It’s my Grandads fault I think like that. Bloody socialists. Anyway, we’ll leave it at that. RIP.
Having said that, the GNR then issue an absolutely crazy statement on the Thursday night hinting that the run might be off and an announcement would be made Friday morning. Nonsense, to quote Roy Keane. Sense finally prevails on Friday lunchtime when they confirm it’s on, but it will be a more subdued and respectful event. I’m all for compromise, it makes the world go round. Sensible decision.
Some knacker on my Charities FaceBook page announces he can no longer run for the charity due to ‘events of the past 24 hours’ and bails out. I resist replying on the page out of respect for the charity. I also, after many rewrites of this blog I can tell you, decide not to say anything about it here. Honestly, if you could see the state of my bottom lip being bitten right now. Anyway, I’m many things, but disrespectful I’m not. I’m currently thinking of fluffy white kittens and rainbows and leaving it at that.
Right, if you’re still there, on to the race itself. And well, I’m definitely not biting my lip now. The start this year was a complete change from the norm and if you’re the person from the Great Run company who came up with this plan, you can fuck off into Cunt Corner with my mate from Facebook (shit, I’ve slipped). What a shambles.
This year, they obviously must have run a competition for under 5s to design the start. Yeah, just draw it in crayons and stick snot on it and the one we think is the cutest we’ll go with. I jest but I bet I’m not far off. From the moment I saw the map I knew it was in trouble. Let’s get a bit Poirot and take a look at the evidence shall we.
Clusterfuck number 1. Shut off the slip roads onto the Central Motorway to only certain bibs and make everyone from the Orange and White waves head to one entrance into Exhibition Park.
Clusterfuck number 2. Once in Exhibition Park, make all of the people from the Orange and White Waves squeeze through a tiny gate onto the Town Moor.
Clusterfuck number 3. Once you’ve squeezed everyone though that, stick the toilets in a really bad place just to the left of that whilst also providing far less of them than usual.
Clusterfuck number 4. Get everyone from the Orange Waves to squeeze through a small exit off the Town Moor and onto the Central Motorway. Even better, stick the small exit for the White Wave RIGHT NEXT TO IT.
Carnage. I hope whoever came up with this plan was not only sacked on the Monday morning, but also forced to listen to The Cheeky Girls greatest hits on repeat all week whilst simultaneously made to watch Liz Truzz’s Cheese speech.
Absolute shower.
Due to all of the above, I get into my pen just as it’s about to close, despite attempting to do this 45 MINUTES BEFOREHAND. Honestly, my blood pressure. I am in though in time for two important things. The minutes silence and the National Anthem. I respect both magnificently. Did I really? 1:06 and 1:46 into the below says I did mofos.
Fame over with, it’s time to start. It literally really is time to start as I got into the pen so late. I’m in Wave 5, which is classed as being near the front ish, but it seems to take me much longer to get over the line this year. Don’t worry though, he’s back, the dulcet tones of local celebrity and top Accidental Partridge wanker DJ Alan Robson keep me company. As if today wasn’t depressing enough. This years top pick quotes from Alan:
”DIABETES UK! Guilty as charged love!’
“Here come the ladies with Breast Cancer!’
Alan haunts me in my dreams. Back to the race and it becomes obvious very early on ladies and gents that this year I really am going to have a shitter. My face swelling and smashing of Ibuprofen hasn’t helped my last minute prep and from the get go I’m feeling like this is going to be a right leggy slog. And by Christ it is. Even worse, my heart rate on mile 2 is already sitting at 170bpm. What? Am I having some sort of cardiac incident? Normally on a half it splits between the aerobic 150 and the more stressful 160bpm. Today though, it’s like I’ve taken an E.
This really isn’t going well. I settle into it a little bit, but my pace is crap. When I say crap, I mean crap for me. I run the Half Marathon distance in around 8:40-45 pace. Today I’m puffing around at well over 9 minute pace with no sign I can push harder than that. Yes, it’s a bit hot and humid (18C) but I’m bored of using that as an excuse for myself.
At mile 8 I do something I NEVER do. Ever. When I get to the Water Station, I grab a bottle and come off course to drink it. That’s right. I stop. I’ve never done that before. I feel dirty. But you know what? I’m not an idiot. Water and a good talking to is what I need, and I give myself both. After that I’m back on track and whilst I definitely still feel like it’s all far too hard work, I push myself through the rest of the run and finish in 2:03:39.
Am I disappointed? Yes and no. I run sub 2 hour Half’s for breakfast, and here I am struggling my way to one 8 minutes off my usual pace. However, it’s not about me. It’s about the charity. It’s still the 4th fastest I’ve run this course. I soon get over myself and head off to the Charity tent, where the wonderful St.Oswald’s Hospice give me sausage rolls and Vimto and take my photo.
Elephant Man
So, a hard but rewarding GNR. In 2011 I ran this course in 2:15. Here I am 11 years later slightly disappointed in a time 12 minutes quicker whilst raising £500 for charity. First World Problems.
The painful swollen face? The day after the run it suddenly went pain free and down to normal size, like a cruel joke. A week later I knock out an enjoyable and comfortable 11 miler in 1:36 – with a normal heart rate. Such is the life of a runner.
I still love the GNR, it will always be my race. But please for the love of all things holy, change the start back for next year.
Hilariously, I leave you with this. I’ve joined a running club. I really am a walking (or running) contradiction. Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer.
Well, on Sundays I used to like to go hiking, but now…
Heather Donahue – The Blair Witch Project
6 months down, 6 to go. It’ll soon be Christmas. ’I won’t be here at Christmas’ my granny used to say to us. You know what, one year she was spot on.
Anyway, enough of her (she was a bloody awful woman if I’m honest) and on to the update. Firstly, the elephant in the room, where have I been? What do you mean you didn’t notice I’d gone? Fickle bastards. Well in April, I decided to take a Social Media as well as general all round break from that there internet. At least the proper bollocks bit of it. I do this from time to time when I find its pissing me off. Saves me kicking the cat. I don’t really kick my cat, but if I joked about that on Twitter some twat would start a pile on before lunch time.
This time, my break was more accidental than by design. In March I accepted a new job offer, and with that came 3 months notice. 3 months. They hand out softer sentences at courts (I sound like the poisonous Daily Mail here). Therefore April, May, and June have basically seen me doing what they call in the industry ‘working my tits off’ to leave my old job in a good place. I also wanted to enter my new one like a prize Stallion, ready for the Breeding Phantom to get cracked out.
Ah, the running. Yes. April was spent preparing for the Sunderland Half on May 8th (review here) and I actually cracked out a decent training Half as prep for that. Sadly, that was as good as it got.
Since then, I seem to have developed some sort of aversion to miles 11-13 of Halfs. It just all goes to shit. I’m hoping to have ironed this out by the GNR in September.
The good news is, my new job is completely home based. I’ve set up the new office, and pride of place is my medal collection. That’s right, I’ve become one of those wankers.
Medal Wanker
One of the huge pluses from this change of routine is that I’m getting out every morning for a run. I’m also finding time to resurrect the Yoga. Namaste. It’s all rosey while the weather is so good, but I’m under no illusion that come October I’ll not be so perky at getting out the door with a Baltic wind and lashings of sleet.
I promised this would be brief, so I’ll shut up now. There are two draft blog posts kicking around and lined up when I can be arsed, and there’ll be the usual GNR review driffle.
Until then though, get off my property before I release the hounds.
“You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. We must be cautious”
Obi-Wan Kenobi, Star Wars: A New Hope
Before we start, a disclaimer. I ran and wrote a review of this race back in the heavy days 2019, when masks were worn only by Surgeons and people rang into work sick with the throwaway expression of ‘the Flu’, when it was literally either a cold or a hangover. In it, I explained the rivalry between my city and this one and I would therefore be littering the post with lots of derogatory comments. All with my tongue firmly in cheek. In short: Bantz! Nothing has changed. This review of my revisit to the home of the serial Play Off Bottlers (Bantz!) will be no different.
Way back in the parallel universe of 2019, I ran this in a very pleasing 1:54:19. Anything sub-2 hours is a win for me. Sub 1:55 and I’m ecstatic. It was a pretty warm day as well and I’m not great in the heat. Or the wind. Or snow to be honest. I like calm and cloudy. Anyway, I liked this run a lot and signed up straight away for the next one. So, I was therefore originally down to run this in 2020.
I’m not sure if you remember 2020, it’s the year we all stayed indoors and everything got cancelled. My place was deferred to the 2021 event instead. No bother. Then, a few weeks beforehand, they announced the plans for the run – part of which would be that there would be no baggage area. Which was a massive pain in the arse, as I was travelling on public transport on my own from the proper City with a Cathedral (Bantz!) 10 miles up the road. When I enquired about a deferral or a refund, they said too late. So, I couldn’t run it and I was a bit annoyed with them to be honest. They blamed the City Council for it (probably true tbh) so I was out of pocket and not taking part.
However, seeing as I’m not an arsehole who holds grudges and Event organisers have had a hideous 2 years, I forgave them for keeping my 30 odd quid and signed up again for 2022. Sunday May the 8th 2022, to be exact.
Firstly, the logistics. In my review of the 2019 version of this run, I bared my soul and gave myself some free therapy by letting rip on the Tyne & Wear Metro (or the ’Fucking Metro’ as I call it). Despite my misgivings, it delivered on the day and got me to and from the Run with no issues whatsoever. An absolute fucking dream it was. But it was to have it’s revenge in 2022, it wasn’t going to be bastard on at all.
So, after some tough and thorough research (Google Maps and a bottle of Peroni) I found what looked like a pretty sound place to park on an Industrial estate about 15 minutes walk from the Start/Finish. So far, so good.
Then I get up on the morning of the run and…it’s sunny and warm. Not pissed up in Benidorm warm, but warm enough to make 13.1 miles more of a ball ache than it should be. I’ve mentioned in the past I’m not great in heat. It’s my North Sea genetics. My body isn’t happy unless it’s being smashed in the face with icy winds and sleet big enough to blind you. Not a great start.
I do however get parked no problem. I tool up with weapons to fend off the locals (Bantz!) and walk to the Start. On the way, I pass this place..
Snake Mountain
I make sure I tip toe around the Perimeter whilst crossing my fingers and spraying Holy Water (Bantz!). Actually, to be nice, it’s great to see that the 3rd Division of English Football has such nice Stadiums. I’m sure the Morecambe fans have plenty of leg room (Bantz!).
Where were we? Ah yes, Half Marathon. At the start it’s exactly the same drill as the last time. DJs talking shite, random stalls, a stack of portaloos, and the oh so predictable tribal groupings of Running Clubs. Bluh. I drop my baggage off (at the Peacock Pub again, interesting) and decided to stand in the shade for the 20 mins or so until we get going. The 10k is off first at 10am, and we’re due to start at 10:25am. And it’s def going to be a warm one. Bollocks.
I get into the Pen about 20 past and it certainly feels far more crowded than the last time I did this. If you’re one of these people still worried about COVID, then events like this really are going to test how much risk you’re going to take. Me, I’ve been pissing off to the match with 52,000 people every other week for the last year so I’m past caring. However, if you’re still a bit twitchy, this would send it into overdrive.
We eventually get going. I say eventually, it feels like we go off late (Strava would later confirm that we went off 4 minutes late) but as soon as we’re out it opens up with plenty of room. This is what I liked about the run the last time, there are only about 900 taking part. That’s about 60k less than the GNR so, you know, tonnes of space.
They’ve changed the route slightly, but as you can see from my Strava below, the first 9 miles are as random as before.
Nope. Me neither.
There are a couple of out and backs, which I personally hate. There is nothing more demoralising than knowing you’re going to just turn around and come back the same way at some point, especially when long before that turn Speedy McSpeedfuck from Gateshead Harriers goes hurtling past you at least a couple of miles ahead.
There are a couple of very noticeable changes though. We go through a nice park, bit of scenery we didn’t get at all on the first part of the run last time. Here is me in that Park bossing it like a bastard:
So far, so fat.
There also seems to be far more climbs than the last time. I’d remembered a couple of them, but there is definitely more. The heat makes you feel them all. Still, I’ve kept my pace fairly conservative and I’m doing ok. Feeling the heat, but not suffering especially. Sub 2 hours easily on.
After 9 miles of that, we’re out of the mean streets, over the Lego Bridge (Bantz!) and onto the last 4 miles of the pretty bit. The Riverside, Beach, the Native American Burial Ground of Roker Park (Bantz!) then back over the Duplo Bridge (Bantz!) again.
And this is where it starts to unravel.
You wouldn’t think it as we hit 10 miles on the Riverside. Look at me, two thumbs up, grinning like a simpleton, not a care in the world.
Dying inside
I get onto the Sea Front and suddenly I feel like the heat has got to me. For the first time in a long time I feel my energy levels on a run just drop, and I’m no longer comfortable. It’s going to be a slog. And it was.
I climb into the Park I cannot name (Bantz!) and it really is hitting me now. I keep going, but I really am slowing down now. The only good news is, it feels like everyone else is struggling as well. I’m a middle of the packer currently in with other middle of the packers and we’re all feeling it. I really, really struggle on the long road back along the top of the Sea Front to the Bridge. It’s awful. Probably the worst I’ve ever felt finishing a Half. It’s come from nowhere as well, and I can only really put it down to the heat. Or possibly the fat.
Still, I activate the jets for the crowds at the Finish and come home in 1:57:42, finishing a nice middle of the packer 438th. To empahsise just how appalling my last few miles were, my last 2 mile was all over 9 min mile pace. That’s well below par for me. Last time I ran this I did it 3 and half minutes quicker. I was on for that again, until it all fell apart. Remember kids, you have to run all 13.1 miles.
Witness the shitness
So, we’ll put this one down as a ’Meh’ I think, by my standards. I struggled in the heat and fell away poorly in the last 5k, but it was still a sub 2 hour Half and yet again a well organised and enjoyable run. If it had been 10 miles.
Well done Sunderland again though. I write this the day before they’re due at Wembley in the Play Off Finals. I do wish them a sincere good luck and hopefully I’ll return next year and pass a 2nd Division Stadium. BANTZ!
Back to the drawing board, it’ll soon be GNR time…
“I’m washing lettuce. Soon, I’ll be on fries. In a few years, I’ll make assistant manager, and that’s when the big bucks start rolling in.”
Maurice – Coming to America
Back in January, I wrote my usual yawnfest about my goals for the New Year (read it again here) I think the best way to summarise it was that it was equal parts full of hope and full of shit. However, the first point on the list of dreams and aspirations was ‘update the notbuilttorun website a lot more.’ So, here we are. Erm. Tell you what, let’s have a recap of the first 3 months of the year shall we? Go on then.
It’s fair to say that 2022 started better than 2021. For a start, we weren’t in Lockdown, even though you could argue the toss that maybe we should have been. It depends which side of the COVD fence you sit on. I’ll not get into that debate on here, everyone has widely different views on it and I’d only upset someone. Between the Conspiracies about the Vaccine making you ping 5g or obey the commands of Bill Gates, to those with PTSD who are still petrified to catch it, the whole thing is a clusterfuck that will take years to get over. Bet that’s cheered you up.
I started Jan with my usual run everyday mantra. I have to confess, it was a bit of a slog this year. I was coming off the back of being ill at Christmas (not the PannyD) so wasn’t exactly feeling footloose and fancy. We also had some absolute literal shit storms in January and my running Kryptonite is the bastard wind. And boy was it windy. Along with my grumbling Achilles, I think it’s fair to say I limped through this years RED. Still, I did it, and managed to clock up 113 miles, which was only 9 short of 2021. All things considered, that’s a win.
As I type (early April) I’m sitting on 324 miles for the year. At current rate that would give me – counts on fingers – 1,245 miles by the end of the year. So the 1,000 goal is currently on with 200 in change. The running in general is also going quite well. After my illness at Christmas (because I was ill, not sure if I’ve mentioned it) my January was full of lots of 5 to 10k middly runs, nothing ‘big.’ However, since Feb I’ve upped the milage and my weekend double figure runs are now back and going well. My pace is also fairly decent. I’m not going to PB anything, but at least I don’t seem to be slowing down. Yet. Running at Par I suppose you could call it.
With that it mind, I decided to sign up for the S*nderland (Bantz!) City Half Marathon on the 8th of May. Training is going well – I did a 1 hour 44 min 12 miler last week so the sub-2 hour is def still in the legs. By the looks of it, they seem to have changed the course slightly this year. They’ve added in a Park at the 5k mark, seemingly to make it more ‘scenic’, but the final part of dropping into the Marina and then climbing back up through Joker (Bantz!) Park to the finish remains intact. It’s a good run with only about 1,000 runners so plenty of room to get about and clock a decent time. If we get a calm cloudy day I’ll be over the moon. I’ll review it on here not long after. Or at Christmas knowing me.
One thing that has changed is Zwift. I’ve been doing Zwift for a year now and I’ve quite enjoyed it. It’s a added a bit of excitement (steady) to my treadmill runs which, let’s face it, can be dull as dishwater. In Feb however it all started to go tits up. The pod would drop during a run, so my steady 7mph pace would suddenly go to 6mph or lower, even though I was going hell for leather. Fair enough I thought, it probably just needs a new battery. I change it. Still crap. So then I decide to go through the Calibration. Still crap. So as we stand, we’re at an impasse. You might say ‘well, what’s the problem dickhead?’ It is a little bit of a First World Problem granted, but getting on the Treadmill is hard enough motivation already without knowing you’re going to be running further/faster than the Zwift says. So anyway, we’ve fallen out.
As for work and life, it’s going to be all change. I’m going full on Corporate Bastard having been tapped up by an International company and will be working totally remote from June. Which, I’m hoping, will only help my running. No commute at either the start or end of the day should give me more hours to play with to squeeze in a run without pissing off the rest of the family. I might even have time to get some extra miles in. It’s all good in the hood anyway.
So in summary, we can tick off Quarter 1 as a fairly profitable period. Satisfactory at worst. Apart from the Zwift Pod acting the dick.
It’s a great film, Wargames, if you haven’t seen it. It’s about a young High School kid who manages to hack into the US Defence system and accidently nearly start World War III. That’s an amazing feat when you look at the archaic hunk of shite home computer he’s using. More technology in a phone these days. I know I’m not really selling this well, but it’s got Ally Sheedy in it and we all need lots of Ally Sheedy.
Get on with it. Ok, there was a point. I loved this film as a kid, and apart from the accidently declaring Nuclear War on the Russians, it’s really a film about the young flicking their Vs up at the set-in-their-ways-think-they-know-best older generation. I used to laugh at that line about 41, but in a ‘yeah, what a bunch of old twats’ kind of way.
And now I’m 41.
And I think the 2020s 41 is very different to the 1980s 41. My Mam had a perm at 41 that made her look about 60. I think most people’s Mams in the 80s did. 41 is no longer ‘old’. They used to say life begins at 40. Try saying that to my Grandad who’d been down a pit for 20 odd years by that point, and only lived another 20 years. I don’t think the phrase has ever really been true until the last couple of decades. There are so many opportunities to be healthier, exercise, and live longer. Although, I’ve told my wife that if I’m proper knackered just unplug me.
So, 41 isn’t old. I love you Ally Sheedy and I always will. Maybe not as much as Phillpa Forrester, but you’re still wrong. Therefore, this 41 year olds goals are…
2022 Goals
Update the notbuilttorun website a lot more – Haha, unlucky suckers. I’ve noticed though, I tend to go through a flurry of updates at the very start of the year and then the very end. So really, update it more consistently.
Run Every Day (RED) in January – We’re not as lockdown tastic as we were last year, so life might get in the way. However, I’m currently 14 days in and apart from my grumbling Achilles (standard) we’re well on track. Until said Achilles pings.
Run 1,000 miles – 3 years running I’ve hit this, the last year with 200 miles in change. As long as I avoid injury and illness, I should hopefully hit this again. At my current rate, I’m projected 1,144 which I’d take all day long and then some.
Get a PB – I didn’t get any ‘outside’ PBs last year, but still managed some Zwift/Treadmill ones. My find the need for speed on the Treadmill and get some inny ones. I’m also counting Strava Segment PBs, so surely there will be one in there somewhere? (Spoiler Alert – I’ve hit some in the first 14 days)
Run a Half Marathon – Of course I’m in the GNR September, Number 11, and it’s back to it’s original course. As an aside, if it is back to it’s usual format, this will be the moment I decide life is back to ‘normal’. The Sunderland Half is on the 8th May. It’s tempting.
Run longer than 13.1 miles – I tried this last year, I didn’t do it. There is no fail, only try. I failed to try though. The goal is still to get to 16 miles by the end of the year. My thought is to attempt it after one of my Halfs, while I’m still in ‘the Zone’. Whatever zone that might be.
300 miles on Zwift- Ah Zwift. I’m not sick of it. Yet. March to Dec 2021 I logged around 300 miles. That seems like a good and achievable number to aim for. We like achievable stuff, it brings balance to the force caused by the probable failure of the goal above..
Run on Holiday – I’m supposed to be in sunny Menorca in May, a holiday now 2 years overdue cos of some global pandemic or something. Like a sad sack, I’m taking my gear for a bit of Balearic sea breeze and beer sweating.
Remainin Employment – People to feed, bills to pay, trainers to buy.
Avoid catching/passing on COVID – Get super boosted. Wear a mask rat lickers.
Piece. Of. Piss.
I hope everyone’s 2022, running or personal, goes as planned. Or a good unplanned at least.
Remember, 41 isn’t that old. But if you see me in a nightclub at 2am, you have permission to shoot me.
Come out to the Coast, we’ll get together, have a few laughs…
John McClane
I signed off the 2020 Xmas Special with this gem:
“Just think, for all the people you love that you can’t see this year, there are twice as many bell ends thatyou can now avoid. Every cloud and all that. Predictions for next year? 2021 can’t be shitter than 2020. JINX.”
Well, I was half right. Although, to be fair, I thought 2021 was a definite improvement. It didn’t start very well though did it. Back in to bastard Lockdown. Happy friggin New Year indeed. I went back to working from home (which I personally hate) and a sense that we were stuck in some never ending cycle of pandemic purgatory.
As the year went on we did manage to see more normality creeping back in. I got back to the match, the ice hockey, and the pub. Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs and all that.
Back in the last Christmas Special I set some running related goals for 2021. So, how did that pan out..
2021 Goals (and how they went)
Renew the notbuilttorun.com domain – Of course I did, or you wouldn’t be here. This has been my best year for traffic as well for some reason, and the site is now worth a magnificent £700 quid. They cant get enough of me in China and Turkey.
Run Every Day (RED) in January – I did predict this would be a piece of piss due to Lockdown, and I was right. 122.3 miles completed, it turned out to be my highest monthly total of the year. My Achilles hated me though.
Run 1,000 miles – Going well this. I’m currently at 1,248 and will probably finish just shy of 1,270. That despite niggles, injuries, and battling through periods of motivation issues. Always a huge personal achievement, especially when you’re as old and broken as me.
Get a PB – Nah, not a chance.
Run a Half Marathon – Yes. Yes I did. The GNR was back and I managed to get through it in sub 2 hours, despite the running Gods conspiring against me. Read about it here. I was also supposed to complete the rearranged Sunderland Half Marathon in May. However, no Baggage area and no one allowed to come with you made it a logistical mare, so I pulled out. One instance where I think an Event was desperate to go ahead but didn’t really think it through. I don’t blame them though, it was early doors and it was very much suck it and see.
Run longer than 13.1 miles – I was determined to do this in 2021, but for whatever reasons it just never happened. Technically, I ran 13.4 at the GNR, but that doesn’t count. Maybe 2022. Manana manana.
Run a Parkrun – Nope. Move them to Sunday mornings and I’ll think about it.
Buy a Zwift Pod – Yes! And it changed my life. I finally got one in Feb, after Brexshit delayed the shipment of the Pod. I wrote a piece on this magnificent bastard, which you can read here.
Remainin Employment – Busier than ever, glad I don’t have to work from Home anymore (it’s shit, you’ll never persuade me otherwise)
Avoid catching/passing on COVID – Looks like I did. Although, I’ve had two of the worst colds of my life this year. Anyway, keep masking up and get Vaccinated you rat lickers.
So, I don’t think that went too badly did it? Predictions for 2022? Well, you’ll have you wait for the New Year Special (ooo, the cliff hanger).
I did finish my predictions for 2021 by saying that running had kept me sane in a world that has gone slightly mad. It really had, and it continues to do so. Keep running people. Physically and mentally you’re doing yourself the world of good.
Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and as this doesn’t include anywhere near the swear tally my usual posts do, I’ll end with fuckety fuck fuck. You fuckers.
Hot on the heels of the completing the Great North Run (see here for that review), it was time to run in my other annual local event – the North Tyneside 10k. You can read my review of it in happier, ‘normal’ times here.
I’ve always been a big fan of this run. The start is fairly local and hassle free to get to, the finish is within walking distance of my house, and it’s only a 10k. I can be back home before dinner time (lunch if you’re southern). Belter.
Due to the C-word (not that one) this years was going to be a bit different. Usually held on Easter Sunday every year, on a warm Spring day with a palatable sea breeze, the 2020 version was on it’s 3rd rearrangement when it finally happened on October 17th 2021.
To be honest, I had completely forgotten about it until my Bib and info arrived in the post the week before. I was still basking and slightly limping in the glory of getting round the Great North Run patched up and drugged up a few weeks beforehand.
Having said that though, I was well up for this. 10k feels like nowt nowadays (I’m not being prickish here, but it isn’t to me anymore really) and any chance to get out and do anything venturing on normal now feels like a special occasion. Interestingly though, the structure and organising of the race was EXACTLY the same as every year. Same numbers, same time, same drill, no C-word restrictions. This really was a return to normal.
So, with an extra layer than usual for this run, I got myself down to the start in plenty of time. I always find the start of the NT10k a fascinating place. It’s about as sophisticated as a 19 year old chav from Byker strutting down Shields Road with his top off when it hits a barmy 13c. Everyone just mooches about the Sports Centre, then a few people head towards the start line about 5 mins before the gun is due – which then triggers a surge of everyone following like Sheep. Every year. It’s the kind of human behaviour Scientists get funding to study.
I’ve already mentioned in previous blogs my fondness for people watching in Pens. This is less of a Pen of course, and more of a Mosh. Being a Cool Kid, I plonk myself middle of the pack. As per usual, there are a lot of Running Club vests kicking about. All tribally hanging out together like a shit West Side Story.
Also as per usual, we seem to just start without any fanfare and the most pathetic sounding starting gun that Alex Baldwin probably wished he’d borrowed (too soon?). The start, say the first half mile, is always the only part of the NT10k that I don’t like. It’s too crowded, and due to no Pens there are lots of groups of slower eager beavers at the front that it’s difficult to get past. Before you start, I’m not having a go at slower eager beavers. Run your own race and all that. It can just be canny frustrating if you’re caught behind it.
By the time we hit the Fish Quay the field has opened up as it usual does and you can really start to enjoy it. It’s a perfect day for running, fairly mild for October and no wind. I actually wish I hadn’t layered up as I’m already hotter than Phillipa Forrester in the 90s.
Ma-chine
I am feeling pretty good though. Well, comfortable. Even when we hit the killer hill going up to the Priory, I get up in fairly decent pace whilst cursing the shite out of it. Then we’re onto the coast proper, and it’s 4 miles of flat prom all the way to the Lighthouse.
I get past the Spanish City and from then on I feel like I’m cruising to the finish. I run down here all of the time and muscle memory is helping me home as I feel like I know every single pavement slab. Foot on the pedal for the last mile where I hit a very respectable 8:20 pace and ‘fly’ home in 53:10, the second fastest I’ve ever run this. My PB for this course is 52:38, so with my gammy foot I’ll take being 32 seconds off the pace all day long.
This years finishers t-shirt is also a pretty snazzy light blue number, and they’ve learnt their lessons from the infamous ‘Tit-topgate’ year. Then it simply a 15 min walk home and it’s like I never left the house.
So, all in all, a successful rearrangement and an enjoyable jaunt on a crisp Autumnal Sunday morning. See you next Jesus resurrection day!
Notbuilttorun.com 