“R2-D2, you know better than to trust a strange computer.”

C-3PO

Look at me, using a Taylor Swift song pun in my title. Down with the kids.

Before I start, let’s deal with the Elephant in the Room. I work in IT, I have done pretty much for the last 20 years. In my previous job, I spent over a decade going out into the Community and encouraging people to use Technology. Digital Inclusion it was. I don’t want to get Hipster, but long before Barclays shameless way to shut physical banks hijacking of the campaign with their Digital fucking Eagles bollocks, I was one of those underpaid and underfunded knackers wandering around community centres making sure everyone had an email address and could Google something.

What I’m trying to say is, my career has always been about encouraging, embracing, and persuading others to use Technology.

Which brings me to Zwift.

I’ve waffled on in many past posts about my love/hate relationship with Treadmills. Well, my treadmill. The saviour in terrible weather or child care issues, as well as doing you more good that you think (after I finally started using mine, I knocked nearly a minute a mile off). Lets face it though, they are boring as shite.

I’ve tried different ways to battle through this treadmill monotony. Watching old football DVDs, listening to podcasts, putting my favourite music on. None of which have worked. The only method that has had any success is Cheese. 80s or 90s Cheese. I’m talking Lionel, I’m talking Wham, I’m talking B*witched. I don’t know why, but having Take That’s ‘Never Forget’ blasting through my headphones makes 3 miles of running on the spot go much quicker. But even that can get tedious.

So in my quest to sex up Treadmill time, I signed up to Zwift. If you’re a runner or cyclist you probably already know what it is. If you’re not, I’ll keep it simple. You download the App, attach a Bluetooth device to your running shoe, sync it up, then run on your Treadmill. You then get to go into a world that is the running equivalent of Grand Theft Auto.

Having downloaded the App onto my iPad and creating an account to have a quick nosey (and to make sure it wasn’t proper shit) I then decided it was time to order whatever it is I have to attach to my shoe to get this show on the road. There are several you can use, but Zwift do their own, which they call the RunPod. I opted to go for this rather than other models. I’d like to say it was because I checked the spec, weighed up the pros and cons, read reviews, but it was literally down to it being cheapest.

Still, even at ‘cheap’ (£37.99), they charged me an eye watering £7.50 delivery. Was it arriving Club Class from the US or something? Well, no, it was coming from Amsterdam. Although, as it turns out. shipping it from the US might have been quicker and cheaper. I had to wait 2 months to order it. I’ve said before I don’t like to get political on here as it annoys people, but let’s just say our ‘wonderful’ decision to cut our losses and leave a Trading Block completely ballsed this up. I think you catch my drift.

Anyway, for those of you still left reading and not storming off to type in Caps about cancel culture, it did come and it’s tiny. I’m not talking about the narrative of my first sexual encounter in the 90s, but the RunPod. As that box cost £7.50, I refuse to hoy it out.

Like a kid at Christmas, I couldn’t wait to get cracking with this. The set up instructions are simple. Put the battery in, clip it to your trainer, sync it to your device (it my case, an iPad). So far, so good. I calibrated it by running three different speeds – slow, medium, and fast (titter) and I was ready to hit the pixelated pavements.

But where can I run? Vice City? San Andreas? Well, it’s kind of GTA but without the mowing people down in cars and shooting hookers bit. Zwift has one permanent ‘World’ that you can run round every day, it’s called Watopia. Every time I hear that I get Laura Branigan’s ‘Gloria’ in my head for some reason. Ask your Dad.

Watopia is loosely based on a couple of Islands in the Pacific, Teanu and Vanikoro. So when you run virtually on Zwift, the GPS pops you here on Strava. It’s obviously not the real islands that you see, but a made up magical world of giant bike statues, a beach resort with pier, giant blimp, and a large erupting volcano. That’s right. An erupting volcano.

As well as this island, you also have a number of ‘Guest’ locations that pop up on various days of the week. These include the French countryside, London (turns your snot black), Yaaaarkshire, and my personal favourite – Central Park, NY NY.

What’s not to like? After 6 months of usage, not a lot thankfully. So, let’s look at the good, bad, and the ugly. Disclaimer – bad and ugly are the same as I’ve no imagination.

The Cons

• The pod can be a bit glitchy and even drop out. Sometimes it takes a while to ‘warm up’, so I can be going hell for leather and it will jump between fast and plod.
• As it’s global, but US based, I find the time of events are more skewed towards our American Cousins. Fair enough you might say, but when you only have a certain running window, that’s a bit shit
• It’s full of Americans.
• Well, it’s not outside innit.

The Pros

• When it’s pissing down of ran, blowing a hooley, or meteorites are falling from the sky, it’s a cracking option
• It links to my Strava (and tonnes of other platforms) instantly, because if it didn’t happen on Strava, then it didn’t happen ok?
• There are loads of social events and races you can sign up to, making it a bit more interesting.
• My pace is now unreal due to the above, as testosterone and tribalism take over and I virtually fly past a cocky America while flicking the Vs.

The Verdict

Cracking. A triumph. I’m proper hooked. I’ve mentioned before that Treadmill running can be a drag and a slog, more so than an outdoor run because, frankly, you don’t actually go anywhere do you? Zwift adds that extra dimension and motivation. Whilst I’m still blasting a bit of Encore Une Fois on my headphones, I’m also transported to Central Park, or London, or some made up Island in the middle of the Pacific and running with randoms from all over the world.

And that’s pretty fucking amazing, when you think about it.